Two Boys Kissing

“You can’t know what it is like for us now—you will always be one step behind. Be thankful for that. You can’t know what it was like for us then—you will always be one step ahead. Be thankful for that, too. Trust us: There is a nearly perfect balance between the past and the future. As we become the distant past, you become a future few of us would have imagined.”

The novel’s opening lines establish the historical context and perspective: the gay men of the past are in awe of the gay youth of today. This passage also establishes the essential narrative tone: hope. The thesis is one of progress.

“If you are a teenager now, it is unlikely that you knew us well. We are your shadow uncles, your angel godfathers, your mother’s or your grandmother’s best friend from college, the author of the book you found in the gay section of the library. We are characters in a Tony Kushner play, or names on a quilt that rarely gets taken out anymore. We are the ghosts of the remaining older generation. You know some of our songs.”

The departed gay men of the past watch over the characters and narrate their stories, much like the chorus in a Greek tragedy. This quote refers to the missing older generation of gay men, lost largely to the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Tony Kushner, himself a gay playwright, wrote the iconic play Angels in America, which tells the story of gay men living and dying during the AIDS crisis. 

“Freedom isn’t just about voting and marrying and kissing on the street, although all of these things are important. Freedom is also about what you will allow yourself to do.”

Tariq goes dancing and expresses himself freely on the dancefloor. The chorus express joy at seeing his freedom, a moment of catharsis for Tariq, who is taking back his freedom after being attacked for being himself in public. The novel suggests that a queer identity is not only defined in relation to suffering, but in relation to joy of expression.

“Love is so painful, how could you ever wish it on anybody? And love is so essential, how could you ever stand in its way?”

Avery and Ryan meet and fall for each other quickly. All of the boys whose stories Levithan follows in the book are experiencing love in different ways, whether it’s the end of a relationship, the continuation of one, the blossoming of new love, or the pain of love withheld. The chorus watch these experiences and share the boys’ feelings as they remember their own experiences. 

“Ignorance is not bliss. Bliss is knowing the full meaning of what you have been given.”

The chorus implore the gay youth of today to realize how fortunate they are to live in a time where they can more freely be themselves, and where being themselves isn’t very nearly a death sentence. The chorus emphasizes that joy is not simply absence of suffering, but gratitude for what it good.

“You spend so much time, so much effort, trying to hold yourself together. And then everything falls apart anyway.”

Suddenly and violently, Cooper is forced out of the closet, leaving him feeling alone and unloved. This passage presents key aspects of the choral voice; they relay Cooper’s inner world and do so empathically. It is assumed that the chorus has insight into characters’ suffering because the choral members have experienced the same suffering.

“They begin to make plans, and a plan. Plans are the things you are going to do at a precise time, while a plan is the more general idea of all the things you might do together. Plans are the coordinates; a plan is the entire map.”

Avery and Ryan feel an instantaneous and exciting attraction. They talk and make plans for a true first date, but in their conversations, and unbeknownst to them, they begin to lay the foundations for a new relationship. This passage once more presents key aspects of the narrative and choral voice, as it invokes a sense of time—present versus future, immediacy versus a long view.

“On a good first date, everything is springtime. And when a good first date becomes a good relationship, the springtime lingers. Even after it’s over, there can be springtime.”

The novel explores the various facets and natures of relationships—fraternal, familial, romantic, and many more. Here, Avery and Ryan prepare to go on their first date. The chorus offer advice to them, and to the reader, about cherishing a good romantic experience with the right person. 

“As he bled on the pavement, pebbles and gravel grinding into his wounds, we felt ourselves bleeding, too. As his ribs broke, we could feel our ribs breaking. And as the thoughts returned to his mind, the memories returned to ours.”

Tariq suffers horrific injuries at the hands of bigoted strangers. The chorus feel his pain, remembering their own pain, and their own survival of similar hate crimes. Similarly, when the characters hear caustic anti-gay remarks on the radio, they feel as though the remarks are aimed at them personally—because, ultimately, the remarks are aimed at them and every queer person.

“When the end comes, there will be important things to say, for sure. But there will also be that last laugh, and you will want it.”

Peter and Neil bicker, but they always resolve their conflicts quickly and through humor and inside jokes. The chorus advise them, and the reader, to keep their sense of humor, because sometimes humor is a comfort when nothing else is. The chorus remember how many of them tried to keep their sense of humor even as they were dying of AIDS.

“He takes out his phone and looks at the names in his contacts list. That’s what they feel like to him—contacts. People he has contact with. Contact in class. Contact in the hallways or at lunch. Not friends. Not really. Not if being someone’s friend means not being fake.”

Cooper doesn’t consider anyone whose number he has saved in his phone to be a friend, and the realization underscores his essential isolation. Despite having contact with so many people, none of them truly know him. His identity is kept locked away, preventing authentic relationships and instilling his suspicions of others’ motives.

“The first sentence of truth is always the hardest. Each of us had a first sentence, and most of us found the strength to say it out loud to someone who deserved to hear it. What we hoped, and what we found, was that the second sentence of the truth is always easier than the first, and that the third sentence is even easier than that. Suddenly, you are speaking the truth in paragraphs, in pages.”

Avery fears telling Ryan that he’s a transgender male and being rejected for it. Once he tells Ryan, he feels safe enough to speak freely with him. The narrative voice consistently articulates hope: Coming out can be excruciating at first, but with the right relationships, it can become easier and easier. The courageous expression can even lead to creativity. 

“There are all these moments you don’t think you will survive. And then you survive.”

Craig worried that his family would reject him for being gay. When his mother finds out, his fears are confirmed, and he must face her disappointment and dismay head-on, and publicly—but he survives. The choral narration understands survival, and consistently encourages characters not to lose hope.

“It’s hard to stop seeing your son as a son and start seeing him as a human being. It’s hard to stop seeing your parents as parents and start seeing them as human beings. It’s a two-sided transition, and very few people manage it gracefully.”

Craig’s mother is forced to come to terms with the fact that her son is his own person, and Craig is forced to come to terms with the fact that his mother isn’t ready to accept all of who he is. Parents and children often have difficulty seeing each other as individuals outside of the roles we assign them. Craig, as in individual, is gay—while Craig’s mother, as an individual, is intolerant.

“We think of ourselves as creatures marked by a particular intelligence. But one of our finest features is the inability of our expectation to truly simulate the experience we are expecting.”

Neither Harry nor Craig adequately anticipated the pain and dehydration they would experience while trying to break the world record. Similarly, people often underestimate the struggles that it takes to achieve anything. The chorus emphasizes human limitation, particularly human ineptness for predicting the future. The observation ties back into the chorus’ astonishment of the novel’s present-day gay youth: “[Y]ou become a future few of us would have imagined” (1).

“It’s a highly deceptive world, one that constantly asks you to comment, but doesn’t really care what you have to say. The illusion of participation can sometimes lead to participation. But more often than not, it only leads to more illusion, dressed in the guise of reality.”

Cooper is disillusioned by his lack of connection, even on the social internet. This statement critiques society’s current addiction to social media, in which everyone feels the need to share their opinion on everything, but nobody’s opinion holds very much weight in the grand scheme. 

“The minute you stop talking about individuals and start talking about a group, your judgement has a flaw in it.”

Anti-gay comments on the radio criticize Harry’s and Craig’s kiss by disparaging gay people as a whole. The chorus point out that these people don’t know anyone involved in the kiss, yet are still angry with them, because they are uncomfortable with gay relationships in general. Hatred or dislike for an entire population is an unethical stance rooted in intolerance. 

“When your body starts to turn against you—when the surface value of the skin is nothing compared to the fireworks of pain in your muscles and your bones—the supposed truth of beauty falls away, because there are more important concerns to attend to.”

Harry suffers as he tries to maintain the Big Kiss. His physical suffering symbolizes others’ suffering: The chorus compare his pain to the pain that they felt during the HIV/AIDS crisis, and how it felt when their bodies began to shut down. 

“Love, he thinks, is a lie that people tell each other in order to make the world bearable. He is not up for the lie anymore. And nobody is going to lie to him like that, anyway. He is not even worth a lie.”

The novel offers many meditations on love. As Cooper’s mental state deteriorates, he stops believing not only that love is possible, but that anyone could even make the effort to lie about loving him. His trauma responses and deep self-hatred are risk factors for suicidal ideation. 

“The sun isn’t shining, but they don’t notice. If anyone were to ask them later, they’d swear it was.”

Avery and Ryan are so caught up in their burgeoning love that they barely notice the world around them. At this point is ambiguous whether their elation is pure infatuation or something more substantial, but their bond is later put to the test, and both characters grow.

“So many of us first heard the word gay as an insult, an abomination. So many of us were called f***** before we even knew what it meant. Not all of us—some of us hid so deep that no one could find our weaknesses. Some of us were bullies ourselves to cover our tracks, or because we hated what we were so much that we had to attack it in other people.”

Skylar is a bully who torments Ryan for being gay. The chorus recalls experiences with people like Skylar, and even being like Skylar to other gay people because of their own shame and internalized bias. Self-hatred can turn into violence.

“We can see your future self. Even if you can’t. We can see him. He is made up not just of your present soul, but of all our souls, all our possibilities, all our deaths. He is the opposite of our negation.”

As Cooper walks up the bridge to jump to his death, the chorus tries to convince him that he deserves to be here. In convincing him, they also send the same message to the reader: that they deserve to be here to see their future selves. 

“Why must we die over and over again?”

The chorus laments the deaths of queer people by suicide and violence after so many of them died from disease. The novel suggests there are numerous societally entrenched factors leading to suffering and anti-gay violence. This passage emphasizes the needlessness of that suffering.

“You should all live to meet your future selves. We saw our friends die. But we also see our friends live. So many of them live, and we often toast to their long and full lives. They carry us on.”

After Cooper is saved by a state trooper, and Harry and Craig break the record for longest kiss, the chorus implores the queer youth of today to live, and to enjoy being alive, in honor of those who, like the chorus, were not able to live. The chorus hopes for even more equality for future generations.