The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind is a parenting self-help book by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. The book offers a neuroscience-based approach to parenting. The neuroscience in the book is rooted in Siegel’s research and extensive publications on the inner workings of the brain, which is then  transformed into practical advice through Tina Bryson’s expertise in psychology and parenting strategies. The Whole-Brain Child is a New York Times bestselling title.

This guide uses the 2012 Bantam Books paperback edition.

Summary

Siegel and Bryson open the book commiserating with parents on the challenges of parenting. They point out how parenting can often feel like a struggle just to survive on a day-to-day basis. However, they argue that the hardest moments can be opportunities to teach children and help them integrate their whole brain to create life-long mental health and success. They explain how to use the book, including how the chapters are organized. They emphasize that they combine neuroscience theory with psychology knowledge, offering practical techniques for parents and key self-reflective ideas for parents.

The first chapter explains the importance of integration in understanding the brain and helping it develop for kids. Using real-life examples of children trying to integrate their experiences, especially traumatic or intense experiences, with their understanding of the world, Siegel and Bryson show how parents can intervene in the process to help children use their whole brain. The authors introduce the fundamental concepts of horizontal and vertical brain integration, and discuss how parents can use narrative or storytelling to help children make sense of experiences. They introduce a central metaphor to define mental health as a river: On one bank is chaotic thinking, on the other is rigid thinking, and mental health and peace is the center of the river.

Chapter 2 explains the functions of the left and right brain. The left side of the brain, which develops more slowly than the right, controls language and logic while the right side controls creativity, emotion, and nonverbal communications. They explain that over-dependance on either the right or left side of the brain can lead to mental health problems. To integrate the two sides in children, they recommend two primary strategies: Connecting emotionally with the right brain before trying to integrate left brain logic in difficult situations, and using language to name and define emotions and emotional experiences to increase communication between the horizontal spheres of the brain.

Chapter 3 explores how to vertically integrate the brain. The upper area of the brain contains the pre-frontal cortex, which is engaged in executive functioning and higher-level reasoning. The base of the brain, including the amygdala and the hippocampus, functions on a more instinctive level and reacts rather than reflects. The upper brain doesn’t finish developing until early adulthood, so the authors caution parents to be patient and remember that children often don’t have the development necessary to employ reason in emotion-rich situations. They offer solutions for when the lower brain takes over—engaging the child and asking for problem-solving thinking to engage the rational mind. They also highlight the value of practice and exercise for the upper brain by refraining from solving problems for children whenever necessary, and modeling empathy and good decision-making.

The focus moves to the function of memory and the value of integrating implicit memory with explicit memory. As in vertical and horizontal integration, the advice is to use storytelling and narrative to identify implicit memories to bring them to the surface and make them explicit. They explain that implicit memories save time and allow people to react quickly in emergency situations, but implicit memories can also affect long-term mental health. Becoming aware of how memory works and making an effort to integrate implicit with explicit memory can help children and adults reconcile past events with present feelings.

The last section of the book examines self-knowledge and the development of empathy. These elements of an integrated self and community are specifically connected to Siegel’s theory of mindsight. The central idea is that the mind can be focused to understand and shape self-image as well as develop and practice empathy. To more fully understand the self and to cope with self-image problems and anxiety, Siegel and Bryson explain how to employ the “wheel of awareness” for kids to expand their perspective on their traits, feelings, and experiences. They also recommend mindfulness exercises to help children become aware of their inner selves.

Mindsight is also imperative in empathy building. Siegel and Bryson explain that the ability to see things from others’ perspectives is challenging for young children, and that mindsight directed at community is a taught skill. They explain mirror neurons which demonstrate that the brain is built to be social—mirror neurons were discovered when the same part of the brain was activated by eating as by watching another eat. Awareness of mirror neurons allows parents to model empathetic behavior and to build strong healthy attachments with children to encourage empathy later in life. Another strategy is storytelling and predicting, i.e., having children practice imagining what others feel, or why they may have done a particular thing. Such strategies enhance interpersonal understanding and encourage healthy conflict resolution.

The book ends with an integration of all the theories and strategies. Just as Siegel and Bryson promote integrating the parts of the brain, and the self and community, they demonstrate how all the tips and techniques integrate to provide opportunities for parents and children to thrive, rather than merely survive.