The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

Chapter 16 examines the distinction between supporting individuals in crisis and enabling destructive behaviors. Robbins argues that enabling—such as shielding people from consequences or solving their problems—ultimately impedes recovery and personal growth.

The chapter presents expert perspectives from Dr. Robert Waldinger, a Harvard Medical School psychiatrist, who advocates for allowing individuals to experience the natural results of their choices. Dr. Luana Marques, a clinical psychologist, contributes insights about avoidance as a coping mechanism, explaining how evasion of challenges can intensify underlying issues.

Robbins illustrates these principles through a personal account of her daughter’s anxiety, describing how her initial enabling response of allowing her daughter to sleep in the parental bedroom inadvertently reinforced avoidance behaviors. The situation improved only after professional intervention prompted a shift toward supporting her daughter in confronting fears rather than circumventing them.

The chapter emphasizes neurological aspects of recovery, noting that the human brain’s maturation process affects how one should approach supporting young adults versus older individuals. Robbins presents a framework for effective support that includes validating feelings while maintaining boundaries, separating one’s emotions from those of the struggling individual, and offering comfort while encouraging independence. She stresses that improvement typically requires experiencing discomfort; for instance, an individual may not seek sobriety until the pain of addiction exceeds the difficulty of confronting underlying issues.