The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

The ABC Loop is a three-step method developed by Mel Robbins to influence behavioral change in others without creating resistance. The acronym represents the sequence: Apologize and Ask open-ended questions, Back off and observe behavior, and Celebrate progress while modeling change. This technique integrates motivational interviewing methods used in clinical settings with research on social influence and behavioral modification. The process may need to be repeated multiple times, hence the term “loop,” and typically requires at least six months of consistent application to see results. Robbins designed this approach to eliminate tension in relationships while creating space for natural transformation and connection.

In The Let Them Theory, agency refers to an individual’s innate need to maintain control over their own decisions, actions, and life choices. According to Robbins, this psychological need is hardwired into human beings as a survival instinct, making people feel safe when they have autonomy over their lives. The concept plays a crucial role in understanding why attempts to pressure others into changing their behavior typically fail, as such pressure threatens their sense of agency and triggers resistance. Robbins explains that when someone feels their agency is threatened, they often respond by becoming more entrenched in their current behavior, even if that behavior is harmful to them.