Pen Pal

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of sexual violence and harassment, mental illness, pregnancy loss, graphic violence, sexual content, illness and death, physical abuse, and emotional abuse.

“It was fun for about three months. Then it became exhausting. Then it became a battle of wills. Us against a house that seemed determined to remain in a state of decay no matter how much we tried to update it. We’d replace a broken water pipe, then the heater would go out. We’d upgrade the ancient kitchen appliances, then we’d find toxic mold in the basement. It was a never-ending merry-go-round of repairs and replacements that drained our finances and our patience. Michael had planned to replace the leaky roof this year.”

This passage initially seems innocuous regarding the state of Kayla’s home. However, as the novel unveils the struggles Kayla faced in her marriage, these physical issues take on a symbolic quality, representing the abuse and hardships of Kayla’s relationship with Michael. Much like the home became an “exhausting” “battle of wills” with “toxic mold” and “a merry-go-round of repairs and replacements,” living in the home with an abusive husband had the same toxic effect on Kayla; their relationship continued to decay and increase in problems due to Michael’s violence.

“I could bore you with the details, but for now, just trust that I know you. In every way one person can know another, I know you. I know the sight, sound, taste, and smell of you. I know your darkest darks and your lightest lights. I know your dreams, your nightmares, and every secret you’ve ever kept hidden, all those nameless desires you never admitted even to yourself. I know the shape of your soul.”

Dante’s letter is ominous, but it contains a romantic tone. He claims to know every part of Kayla, including her nightmares, dreams, and secrets. This, coupled with the declaration “I know the shape of your soul” indicates that he knows her intimately. By the end of the novel, Dante’s identity as Aidan is revealed. As a result, these letters establish Aidan’s love for Kayla, even after death, and show The Transcendence of Love Beyond the Physical Realm.

“Michael didn’t have any enemies, and neither do I. We’re your average middle-class married couple, both overworked and overtired, so our idea of fun is snuggling together on the sofa to watch a movie on Friday nights. Was. Our idea of fun was watching a movie together. We’ll never do that again. The sudden tightness in my chest makes it impossible to breathe. Dizzy, I rest my head on my forearms and listen to the rain tapping against the windows like a thousand fingernails.”

Kayla’s portrayal of her and Michael’s marriage as uneventful and normal is part of her illusion as a ghost. She presents them as a typically middle-class married couple who watched movies together and snuggled—a picture in stark contrast to the details later revealed.